im six kinds of drunk right now
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
