i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
How naked do you want me to be?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
