Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
