bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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