marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
