Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
