How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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