miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Found the puke drawer
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
