I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He did a backflip because drugs
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
