i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he told me I talked like a deaf person
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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