He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
