I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
