yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
