I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
