Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
