Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
