I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
