wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
