we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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