thus making me awesome and them whores
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
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Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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