i permit you to call me
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
