my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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