There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Blood and glitter go together right?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
