I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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