one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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