Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
It's Friday. Sex?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
