apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
