Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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