this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
why is half of my head shaved?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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