Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
