If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
