You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
