I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
