So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
