i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
