the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
