well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
