so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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