I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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