This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We have started to decorate penises.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
