Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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