Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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