Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
