My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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