yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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