Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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