Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
