WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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