they need to just BURY HIM!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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