Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm at about main and main street
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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