If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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