Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
