Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
