I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
