Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
