Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
