We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I need a burrito and a hug.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Sext me about skeletons
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
