i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
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It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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