Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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