my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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