member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
