i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
