shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
