I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
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You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize