I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
