proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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