the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
