i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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