He is such a slut. More and more my type.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
