Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
