Moan for me like Helen Keller
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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