To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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