The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
