I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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