I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
