My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Randomize
