btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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